The Reunion

Sitting in the back yard, taking in the sounds and smells of the world around me with a keen new sense of appreciation. I reflect with an overwhelming rush of gratitude, the kind of rush I used to seek through booze and blow, except now without the guilt and shame of addiction and affliction.  I felt a sort of body buzz, like the fingers and toes of every tiny nerve in my body were stretching out and reaching for more of this feeling, like a new born baby reaching for it's mother.  As I embraced this buzz, I almost missed the vibrating of my cell phone from the pocket of my blue jeans.  The realization that it wasn't organic, but electronic, abruptly took me out of my zone.  I looked down at my phone, it read: Text Msg.  A local number, but one I didn't recognize.  I opened the body to read the message.  A simple period.  Nothing more.  A goddamn punctuation mark.  A back and forth of question marks and nonsense followed, seemingly becoming a game of cat and mouse that I was losing patience for.  As the typing tryst was coming to an end, the stranger on the other side signed off with startling and familiar phrase.  "Have a festive day" the message read.  My heart fell out of my chest.  The air emptied from my lungs.  All of my body parts stopped working one by one, as if I was gradually becoming paralyzed by fear, excitement, panic, and a rebirth of hope that could never be explained in any prose or publication. I was unclear of her motives or desires, and focused on one thing and one thing only.  She was back.  I didn't care if she was back for just a brief moment, to whisper her displeasure and hatred and then vanish to a world free of my name, my face, my memory.  At this second, right now, she is back......and I felt whole again, if just for that moment.

Rude Awakening

I was laying flat faced and broken on a cold metal dive-in, the familiar stench of body odor and mildew concentrated the air.  After a few minutes of haze and confusion, I shook the cobwebs and quickly realized where I was, this wasn't my first stay in the house of guilt and shame.  The City of Boulder's police department is a state of the art facility, in a quiet posh town, full of 30 or so cookie cutter Officer Krumpky's ever so stricken with their God given authority to judge and police us lesser mortals.  The reason for my stay was yet to be determined, but I knew I would be shortly made aware of my evils.  I paced my jail cell waiting for reckoning; anxiety, fear, and an unhealthy excitement rushed painfully through my body.  The second hand of the time keeper echoed in my skull.  Time seemed to pass in slow motion, as if this feeling of suffering was part of the judgement yet to come.  They say that the anticipation of death is worse than death itself, as far as I was concerned at that moment, death would be an undeserved gift I was prepared to beg for.......as the details of the last twenty hours started rushing back to my brain like water through a floodgate.

Test

Day one.....

It seems appropriate I guess....whether one person or a thousand read whatever this is to become, that I preserve this journey that I am on, and share as much of my struggles and accomplishments as I can bear......In hopes to keep me on the path that I have set forth for myself.